We all heard about the war on fat. Every news outlet incessantly conveys to us we are heavier. Obesity is making us sicker. The plethora of diet and exercise advice tells us what to eat and what exercises to do to lose weight. It’s never-ending. The diet culture is solidified the world over. We’re always being lectured, “If we’re not trying to lose weight, we are not behaving healthfully.” But is there a better solution for a healthy life instead of dieting? Shouldn’t the answer include everyone of all sizes?

The problem with telling people to lose weight by eating less and exercising more is that it sets people up for weight cycling. When folks starve themselves to lose weight, the body always fights against deprivation. The body battles hard to get the food it needs to survive. Hunger escalates, and cravings for high-fat and sugary foods weaken our resolve. Instead of losing fat, the body becomes dehydrated, loses muscle, and slows down how many calories are burned in a day. Adding exercise to this only speeds up the process. Inevitably, once dieting stops, the weight returns. Then the blame game starts. “I didn’t have enough willpower. I eat unhealthy foods. I am a failure.”  When a new weight-loss diet comes out, the self-torture starts all over again. For some people, the scale tips a little bit higher each time the weight returns.

What’s the answer?

You won’t find it in another weight loss diet or by listening to someone preach about what you should eat and what you shouldn’t. It certainly won’t be in a place where you feel shame or defeated. The reality is we all come in different shapes and sizes. The reality is when most people diet and avoid foods they love, they become obsessed with failure. They feel bad when they believe they ate too much, then starve themselves only to lose out to a late-night binge. The reality is, weight loss diets don’t work, period.

The solution is already within yourself. Set yourself free. Free from the notion of dieting and weight loss. As much as the diet industry wants you to believe, weight cannot be controlled by manipulating calorie intake. If you’ve dieted before and gained the weight back, deep down inside you know this is true. A healthy body tells the truth when it’s hungry and when it feels full after eating enough food. A weight-loss diet keeps you from honoring that truth while encouraging you to fight those normal healthy signals. Your body’s biological hunger and fullness cues are never judgmental. They just are. But weight-loss diets always say, “you’re not good enough unless you have willpower.” Willpower is meaningless to the body when it’s deprived of proper nutrition. Your body doesn’t know the difference. All it knows is there’s not enough food for it to function properly.

The answer to “what should I eat,” is different for everyone. But if you’re willing to open your mind up to another way of thinking, there are some ways to get relief. It’s not how much we weigh that makes us unhealthy, it’s unhealthy behaviors and thoughts about the food we eat. Then it’s how we act on that negativity.

Free yourself from the weight loss dialogue

What are you saying to yourself when it comes time to eat? Do the words, “I need to lose weight” or “I can’t have that,” come out of your mouth often? How many times a day do you say these words? How many times do you hear people around you say it? As a dietitian, I hear these words all the time. Even in a casual conversation with people of all sizes. Big and small. Fat and thin. I don’t believe most folks realize how much they use weight loss language or select foods they believe won’t make them fat. It’s a diet mentality.

Stop and pay attention. Are you eating to control your weight? Are you limiting foods that taste good because they aren’t healthy enough? We often don’t think about how we talk to ourselves and how it reinforces our behaviors. Increasing the mindfulness of the words you say to yourself will give you a cue on how you treat yourself. You might realize it has nothing to do with your weight. Let go of the diet mentality.

Next time you sit down for a meal, chose language that is self-compassionate. Be more empathetic toward your food cravings. We all have them. Part of healthy eating comes from the enjoyment of food and feeling satisfied after a meal. These good feelings aid in digestion. Express gratitude for the food that is available to you. Eating should be a completely neutral event.

If while you’re eating someone brings up the topic of weight loss, or criticizes your weight, remember you have the choice to change the subject. As a grown adult, you don’t have to be a part of it. Stay away from conversations that make you feel guilty or shame afterward. Everyone will always have their own opinion about food, but they are not the expert on your body’s health, you are. You don’t need to be fixed. Chances are what they are saying about you is how they feel about themselves. Move away from the diet mentality.

Always consider where the source of nutrition talk is coming from. Anyone who is properly trained in nutrition will not get on a soap box and tell others how to eat unless they are given permission. Be skeptical of what you hear. Ask questions first.

Free yourself from the mantra of weight loss

If you take an observational approach, you’ll see how the weight loss industry renews itself to keep the cycle going. They already know diets fail and that’s how they make money. They sell hope. Diet companies don’t want you to think in the present moment, but in a made-up future, that doesn’t exist for anyone. You don’t need to lose weight to live the life that you want. No matter what size you are, you deserve everything life has to offer.

There’s a sense of freedom that comes with the understanding that these companies know there’s always someone out there, hopeful, that the next diet will finally help them lose weight and keep it off. People who still haven’t figured it out yet. But they are willing to keep trying and failing and trying again.

Free yourself to eat in the present moment

When sitting down to eat, chose foods that will satisfy hunger in the present, and not a perceived notion of future weight loss. We don’t always know exactly what we are going to eat at any given meal, especially when we’re away from home. It’s best to choose a wide variety of foods in all the food groups that will completely turn off your body’s hunger until the next meal.

Never eat less with the idea you’ll eat more later. Don’t fight your hunger. It’s not a battle that you have to win. Deprivation sets the stage for overeating, always. Every meal is important. You deserve to enjoy your food and to eat enough to feel satisfied. Treat your body kindly and it will take care of the rest. That’s the truth no matter what size body you live in.

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